Price of Potential

The most wretched feeling has to be the strain a
gainst the limited vision in one's own mind to reach beyond..
With great potential has come a great sense of responsibility..
There is no greater hunger than
the hunger in a soul that seeks to know itself in all its might.

The soul does not rest..
nor rely peacefully on another..
It wants only to see the way ahead..
It only wants to see that it can do better than yesterday
Be all it can..
To all around...
To turn it all around and
Searches restlessly for beauty..
strength and purpose..
Narayana, help me let go when I should..
Help me to hold on when I should..
And help me know the right time..
for each..

Beseech

Life has a continuum to it..
Daily..relentless..
The up side is the ability to move on..
Bringing with it a challenge of untold
magnitude..

Whilst I wander between tasks, O Lord
Grant me the wisdom to recall the best of
My, His and others..
To nurture it as preciously..
as a new born child..

Grant me the patience to wait
without expectation... But,
Help me to nurture expectation
for years on end.. for the goal is yet far.
So far I cannot even begin to see the light..

Dear Lord, I seek you and do see you, yet..
My Heart is full and I seek a grounding..
Much like needing to channel a current...
The energy will destroy me if it stays within..

A light needs to travel
A sound needs to be heard..
Would you not know of this Narayana?

You know I strive to be gentle..
One cannot shine too hard in case
The sapling falls under the heat...

Help me to channelise in the right time
To gain steadfastness with a sense of humor
To be able to know there are words to be said..
To know there are ways to be lived and explored..
To know there is much kindness to be given..
And yet be still as we gently move...
ever so slowly.. inch upon inch..

And not rush through them nor
be tempted to disbelieve its existence..
Ah! The mind is a fickle thing.. low in patience..
high on time.. but failing to recognize its own merit.

Help me to be humble as that lone flame..
Seeking nothing but to continue burning
A flame does not boast of light or warmth..
Though it does yield both..

Help me to be that flame unto you
Narayana, unto you and you alone lies my
Ultimate Promise and answer..
Help me to tame the sea churning within..
Grant me light and not heat..
Grant me reassurance when I feel restless
Grant me the positivity to go one more step
When I feel like letting the cloak slip and resting..

Help me feel rested in movement..
Help me feel the expression in silence..
Help me to feel the power in the daily..
Help me to speak without using words..
Help me to not waste my energy by
disbelieving.. regretting..
Cure me of frustration and annoyance.. they sap my
energy.. though their seduction is so hard to resist..
Help me to remember your presence when I feel tempted..

Allow me to live in your grace alone..
Nothing else seems to satisfy the hunger
In my soul.
Thank you.. for your infinite blessings upon me.

Continuance

I finally realized that love never hides..
Love is held within.. like a diya..
The kind that is lit aflame..
The kind that is kept alive through daily concerns and living
Through setting a goal and renewing promises
Through promising the self to never give up on onself

I did limp the rest of the way..
He did come and helped me up
No, he carried me when I couldn't walk
He spoke when I couldn't..
He smiled when I wouldn't..

Having grown healthy after the run
I now look to him and say..
'Dear are you ready for the next?'

He is already running you see..
His run never stops..
Then I think to myself..
What kind of a daredevil am I..
that just having run one..
I glibly court another..
more arduous and potentially more tricky than the one just done?

Perhaps I realize that the self is found through strife
It is found through doubt
To recognize that the only way to stay is to keep moving
To stop moving is to recede into the self..
To realize how and who we could be..
We need to move.. keep moving.

Glimpses

Why would each glimpse of love disappear...
Where does to go hide?
Where,
in my vast being and in your immense heart.. does it go and stay?
Please tell me so that I find it again each day..

Why is my mind so irrefutably trained to
start afresh each day...
Why cant I change my mind upon will..? just as surely as the sun rises each day?

Why cant I lose myself in that one moment of truth..
that explains why I do what I do...

That one thread that explains whether or not Im on the path..
Your light is the path..
did I mention that you are the street light for my ragged, uphill path?
And if I did, would you shine brighter?
yes, you shine brighter today...
What now.. do I run faster...?
My limbs ache.. my breath is stronger now that I see you..
but Im afraid to run again lest I fall on my bloody knees..
If I showed you my knees.. would you kiss them for me and
Help me limp the rest of the way?

Would I be now allowed to tell you I lost some of my belongings?
Can I now say to you I miss you?

Is it OK too say that you are a tad unfair?
Life is unfair to expect me to not feel differently...
when the climate changes
when the goal seems harsher..

Can I demand some space?
Or do I aleady do that without my knowing?
I hate living in a shadow whose creation I know not
As I crinkle my eyes to see the light..
the sun or the lamp or the shade yet again...

Did I tell you I will no longer know if I am still on my path?