Motherhood diaries - sick days.

Its a well-known joke/stand among moms that moms have no sick-days. You are still mom, you still get the meals, the potty-calls and the school pick-ups. My poor hubby does everything he can, but well - it takes mommy and daddy to make a day in the kid's life :) All of a sudden, I start to see the reassurance I always had around me... the hugs. The sudden inquiries - 'mommy, are you okay??.'
In case I threatened to forget the reassurance, as I mixed my coffee this morning and peeped out the window, I see the determined 3 year old marching behind the father to help recycle.

I think my heart expanded three sizes in that instant. haha! I suppose sharing menial chores has a special place in my heart. #guffaw!

To top it all, the famous learn-to-read books had arrived and he is transported into delighted squeals "Its going to be goody!"

Well, this isn't such a bad sick-day. Heck I still get to hear a kid laugh. I still get to feel a small hand in mine. :) And thats why we moms are suckers - we just love something that outside and independent of ourselves :)

Success and weakness

When Im pushed so far back down that I cant get up. When the night is so dark that no light seems to pierce it - Im okay. Im calm. Im focused, alert, clear and aware of myself. However strange things happen when I get into the light - I have choice. I receive acknowledgement, and rest. Frankly, all of these are distractions - a mind full of hopes and impressions is not focused - and is therefore a weak mind. So see, its true - success makes me weak. 

Therapy

Its amazing that people are supposed to spend 20 + years of their life equipping themselves for life but so little of what we learn is focused on what life is mainly about - handling it!

Technical knowledge, energy, dreams and methods of working - these are taught with great fervor and the ones with the best technical knowledge are applauded. But look around me, the people who really 'win' - the 'smart' people - are the wierdos. The rebels. The non-conformists. The speak-through-my-hat people who are selfish enough to take care of themselves, short-sighted enough to dream and take risks and carefree enough to believe in themselves.

Having been an utter over-achiever in every sense of the word - winning awards for sportsmanship, debating, writing, classical dance and exams - I genuinely believed I had what it takes to succeed. And sure, the most pedestrian signs of success were mine - educational degrees, recommendations and entries into offices of my choice.

But lets talk about resilience, happiness, peace, strength and calm. Lets talk about faith, genuine-ness, self-belief and endurance. This is true success. You see, if you are hurt, depressed or pushed down by life - none of your degress or awards come to your rescue. Its just you, and your therapy.

Spousal sighs

Darling, You can screw up. 

I think today, I have made my most important commitment in marriage - in being married to myself and to my spouse. I think Im going to allow me, and him, to fuck up occasionally.

There. I said it. I didnt think I would swear on this blog - but somewhere inside me is this rebel whose language hasn't really matured. So.

Really, why would I promise to live with someone for a lifetime if that person - namely me, my spouse and my kid is not allowed to make a big huge stinking mess? Im going to say we're allowed. And its bloody okay to do that. And Im still going to believe in me, in him and in him. Im not going to give in to disillusion. Life is hard as it is - throw in un-achieved ambition, fatigue and being overworked - which is the sort of stuff life is really made of - it'd be nothing but effing godly to not screw up occasionally.

In fact I recommend marriage vows to read - I know I will, and you will - screw up. Lose yourself. Be cruel and mad. And I will believe in me and you because we are just as normal as everyone else who will be cruel, mad and tired at some point in their lives.

In the 'zone'

I know - it certainly sounds like I have written too many exams or ran too many competitive athletic races - both of which are true. But this is my tried and tested way to stay content in a time where everything seems to have a to-progress-list, and hang on before you click your tongue at this - you want to improve your nutrition-style, you have to complete that house project, your son needs soccer class and your husband needs more sleep. But you still have to live through the weeks and months it will take to achieve all these goals. I used to spend these biting my nails and sighing at the slow passage of time. 

Now, I resolve to get in the zone - and that means, living in a way that reminds me of all the ways in which we have achieved progress so-far. It might mean my son goes potty fewer times in a day, haha! Or that my husband has officially drugged himself with a cough syrup to sleep all night - but in all those small mercies I bask, I live and celebrate! I sit around and do-nothing (bow to meena for that irrreplacable piece of wisdom), and slowly feel the sure warmth creep all over me. Aaaahhhh... bring it on - you soul-less worries and gnawing thoughts - you can raise hell but I ain't budging my pretty li'l a** from this zone. 

Amen. 

Motherhood diaries

The Power of Caring

I know this has to be the corniest title - but read on and you'll see why I chose it. So consider yourself waking up in the morning and looking at your day with your toddler (stay-home-moms) - you see your basic food-tasks, your hopes for quiet time, your baby's needs and the house-tasks. So as you fill up your morning green smoothie there are two ways your inner centering happens -

(a) "Good God! How do I get done with all my stuff so I catch this movie I want?

or

(b) I really dont care about getting my entire fricking list done ... as long as I can hug this kiddo as much as I can.

Now when Im (a), I dont recall my son's funny faces, I find myself brushing past him in the hallway and tautly waiting for his next misbehavior. And when Im (b), I find Im okay sitting out a 30-min breakfast as he giggles at each funny page in his book. And guess what - all my desired virtues of patience, love, appreciation, giving and breathing - flow naturally when Im (b). And lo! The son laughs, blooms and giggles under my very nose. You could argue that is a better aim than that movie I apparently wanted to watch!

I really think this speaks to all those mothers who feel the need to have a "Self" aim and/or some worldly-desires to be a more-part of the human race. Im going to say smiling and breathing are the better ways to be a part of the human race - and you can be that without tearing your hair out and/or arguing with your kids all day long. And no, this doesn't speak to working moms. I will write to you when I am one. haha.

Motherhood diaries

The Trouble with progress

My friend and I had a conversation the other day on child- progress. Would we want our kids to be smarter? Read faster? Wouldn't it be a proud moment to proclaim to the world our kid could read a whole book by 5. I wonder what the child must have missed out on, to be a kid who reads by 5. My point is, I consider myself a fairly intelligent individual (and no, I wont string my degree-list here to prove it), but Im guessing a child would do better if he/she had plenty of free time as toddlers. I completely respect all moms out there who do their best and take their children half-way across the city to events and tutors to ensure their progress. I do see not everyone has the time and effort it takes to feel secure about having given enough input to your child. In fact, Im sure my kid isn't as linguistically-advanced as he should be. Im sure he's skinnier than he need be. He is just as slow, strong-willed, dreamy and obnoxious as I was. And thank goodness! Im raising a human. I am human. And I hope that through this, I show him to be human, real and alive - to a butterfly and a toy and a cookie is far greater than to read by 5. We have a plethora of scholars. What we need are more people who laugh easily, give with a smile and take it easy. Atleast, I think so. :)