Home

And Im home. This time has been so kind to me in showing me the pitter patter of the rains, the thunder and the lightning. The diwali sparks and the idli breakfasts. I sit here in the same room which holds a dozen golden memoirs - remnants of our enthusiastic stint at school, sitting there like a completed song, only muted now in its attempt to fit into this life that has moved past that. My son sits two feet away fiddling with his toy. His pitter patter of feet have brought back the essence of this home - it nurtures children and creates hope. The endless bounding up and down those smooth black stairs, an attempt to run away from the playful hands of grandparents. The inimitable glint in his eye as he challenges his mother with his behavior, all call back to this grand 20 years of upbringing that this house has witnessed. The pale blue walls have all heard our stories, the history exams, the endless Xena episodes, the brother-work outs and the pillow fights. The only difference is today the child running here is of me, its not me. What a stupendous change that is. The grace that flowed through this house is even stronger today. The old guard stand strong - pretending to be oblivious of the age that seeps through their bodies and spirit. Their smile runs through us to this blog today. Their smiles light up just as quickly with this pretty child runs today. I shall not wish for more, Guruvayoorappa. What is, itself, is a miracle. 

Family and family

This post is for me.

Family is that which reminds you of your roots. Family reminds you of how you struggled, fought and won; not in a sad way, in a happy way. Family tells you that you are not dark, but light. Family reminds you that when the chips are down - you are not really alone. Now, for many, people try to interfere with the concept of family. Family is not just blood, family is not just married into. Family essentially are a set of people who are simply happy you exist. To whom you represent a certain irreplacable energy. From whom you have acceptance, trust, implicit support and understanding. Family is not just about people who do things for one-another; family is where you are understood, respected and accepted - even when, and especially when, you are not at your best.

Calling out to all of you who are family - thank you. And I love you. 

Haters

Im officially sick of them. Sick of dealing with them. Of worrying about them. Of wishing they would just "know" me. Wishing they would give me a "chance" to have an equation with them so the hating would just STOP. So, Ah well. I finally realized  - haters just wanna hate. They know me. Oh yes they do. They respect me, wish they were me and think the world of me. But they just cant stop hating. They cant help it. God didn't give them the resilience and beauty it takes to respect and let go. They have to respect and trash. Ah well. So I stewed and I stewed. For years. I know - was I so needy for love? No, I wasn't. I was a kid who didn't get why one would be hated. Until I read this:



It’s like that Ani Difranco quote from her song “32 Flavors”:


And god help you if you are a phoenix
And you dare to rise up from the ash
A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
While you are just flying past…

Good ness is no match for jealousy - the jealousy that will convince people you are a million things that they hate. And let them - for I hate them not. And in their hatred do they ever more suffer. Fortunately for me, I hate them not. Its sad that when devoid of aims, we, the busy, become the punch bags of the idle.