As a young mother, my foremost concerns when my son was between 2 and 3 was: he needs to eat, stay away from danger and not-be-a-menace to any social gathering. Tantrums were ridden out. Anger was dealt with and sadness was sidelined - between the hour-long mealtimes and the through-the-day company, dealing with his emotions was not something I could consciously do. Let alone my own.
This morning though, when I wake up to my 4 year old child, I find I am aware, already, of all the ups and downs he will have in this one hour before I drive him to school: anger that his dad still needs to get to work, boredom at his breakfast, excited at finding my artwork supplies out and about and a delicate love when he complains about his aches and pains to me.
Usually, I find myself searching for the morning fix of something-hot and feel like a football defense player readying to fight the onslaught. Today, however, I made sure to center myself on the knowledge that: the final goal was certainly going to be met. Late by 40 minutes? Okay, but he will still get to school for sure.
I could smile to myself as he complained to his father about missing him.
Bit my tongue when he was rude to his father - I knew he didn't mean to, he simply knew no other way to say 'Im too excited to have you here right now, so please give me a minute while I remain the helpless 4 year old I am that still needs his mommy to fix his pants for him.'
Smiled as he asked me for the whole days' schedule one by one.
Exhaled quietly as we started 30 minutes late to school.
When I came back home from this seemingly defeated morning - something was different. I could call it wellness, peace or just gratitude. For unlike being a football defender, I felt like the breeze floating through the events... righting it, kissing it, loving it and making it more beautiful somehow. I think its the difference I feel when I embrace his feelings. I didnt 'manage' it.
This morning though, when I wake up to my 4 year old child, I find I am aware, already, of all the ups and downs he will have in this one hour before I drive him to school: anger that his dad still needs to get to work, boredom at his breakfast, excited at finding my artwork supplies out and about and a delicate love when he complains about his aches and pains to me.
Usually, I find myself searching for the morning fix of something-hot and feel like a football defense player readying to fight the onslaught. Today, however, I made sure to center myself on the knowledge that: the final goal was certainly going to be met. Late by 40 minutes? Okay, but he will still get to school for sure.
I could smile to myself as he complained to his father about missing him.
Bit my tongue when he was rude to his father - I knew he didn't mean to, he simply knew no other way to say 'Im too excited to have you here right now, so please give me a minute while I remain the helpless 4 year old I am that still needs his mommy to fix his pants for him.'
Smiled as he asked me for the whole days' schedule one by one.
Exhaled quietly as we started 30 minutes late to school.
When I came back home from this seemingly defeated morning - something was different. I could call it wellness, peace or just gratitude. For unlike being a football defender, I felt like the breeze floating through the events... righting it, kissing it, loving it and making it more beautiful somehow. I think its the difference I feel when I embrace his feelings. I didnt 'manage' it.
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