How do I create habits - worry number four

Aware of the power I had to create for this family a routine which could make or break - I was left paralyzed for a long time by - you guessed it -- too much choice.

In the face of great choice - like I always do - I go for the very basics... faith, fitness and fun.

The slow two-hour argument-ridden outings slowly morphed into extended day-long park visits which the whole family could live through without a meltdown.

The bored sit-downs which were treated as the bane of a busy persons's life on a friday evening - now is a cherished break from the daily demanding routine of never-ending responsibilities.

The crowning glory for sure was the bike ride this morning. Hardly upto it, doing it purely because I was asked to - I ended up embarking on one of the best rides in san diego. ever. The blossoms were heavenly... the lake was full and the partner carefree. We could view for miles what otherwise whizzed past us on the freeway.

Pushing back guilt for a child left behind for this bike ride, we head back worrying for the child. He was more than okay - busy getting his way with the grandparents.

It took me only 4 years to get to this point. If anyone wants to know how to get two workaholics to like having fun - just ping me. I am dead serious.

stand up series 3 - my life as i know it has ended ever since i had babies

okay so I cant sleep in anymore.

Its not too bad to just wake up and see a few (many many many ) orange glows outside the window. And besides - it really isn't the worst thing to begin waking up early. I know -- its the final sign that one has grown up - and so what - nothing like having a baby to drive home the point.
One has to actually be frickin responsible all the time.

Okay so that means I have to make - "make" a breakfast each morning. So what? Nothing can really perk one up better than the smell of a well-cooked (Fill in the blanks - omlette/pancake/...?)

Okay so I can't watch tv anymore, really.

Well nothing like watching tom and jerry or gummy bears to really drive the sillies out of the head.

Okay so I can never really talk to my spouse ever again. ever since our son turned 3 - his favorite response to seeing his parents talk is "mommy - daddy - I want to talk too!"

Encouraging social development is a great goal but it spells a dry dry spell for parental inter-relationship. Oh so what? Time to make the most of  5-minute morning conversation or a hurried at-work phonecall or nothing is as hell-sweet as a 30-minute tv session once the child hits the sack. The sweetness only earned from 2-hours of wishing for some deserved quiet-time.

And that brings me to the mother of all grouches - no me-time! Bath time is a kid sobbing at the door. Reading time is a kid jumping on the lap. Tv time is a kid sulking to get his own tv show. OH joy.

So - give the child a puzzle while one showers. Bargain for tv time and get my lazy ass to read instead of gorging on tv once the chlid is in bed.

Now Im developing new ideas: take the child to the library and read there while the kid runs riot on toys. Give the child a drawing book so I can do my cartooning on the side.

So there - worry number 3 - I can never have my life back is gone.

Besides - was my old 'life' so worthy of regret? I never had anyone sob for me. Or stop crying just because I hugged them. Or ever asked me - how long can I hug your tummy before you get mad? Jeez, lets get real. 

Everyone will think I'm an idiot: Worries that were invalid # 2

It didn't matter, apparently, that I had two masters degrees to my name.
I always harbored the worry that everyone will eventually think I don't measure up.

In a new workplace, this translated into my being hesitant to ask questions.
To my child, I was afraid of showing him I did not know.
In family, I refrained from saying what I really thought - what if I sounded off target?

It came to a head when I recognized I was not asking or being heard: far from communication - I was heading deeper into myself.

It was a bit like talking to mirrors. It helps but doesnt help you find the road.

So I began to speak up. Began to say what I did do or did not. What I did know and did not.
It turns out - people expected me to have these questions.
More often than not - people expected me to know less, not more.
More often than not - someone benefited from my saying what I did.

Soon, I actually began to find a 'voice'. A pattern of opinion-formation. A manner of stating a fact but acknowledging it did not address the whole situation.
I began to see that my voice was just that - a voice.
One voice in a crowd but heck it was MY voice and it needed to be heard.

It takes many to make a sound, and only one - to make noise.

This set me free.

Turns out everyone is an idiot at some point - the real idiots are the ones who never tried to use their voice. I used to be that idiot.