It didn't matter, apparently, that I had two masters degrees to my name.
I always harbored the worry that everyone will eventually think I don't measure up.
In a new workplace, this translated into my being hesitant to ask questions.
To my child, I was afraid of showing him I did not know.
In family, I refrained from saying what I really thought - what if I sounded off target?
It came to a head when I recognized I was not asking or being heard: far from communication - I was heading deeper into myself.
It was a bit like talking to mirrors. It helps but doesnt help you find the road.
So I began to speak up. Began to say what I did do or did not. What I did know and did not.
It turns out - people expected me to have these questions.
More often than not - people expected me to know less, not more.
More often than not - someone benefited from my saying what I did.
Soon, I actually began to find a 'voice'. A pattern of opinion-formation. A manner of stating a fact but acknowledging it did not address the whole situation.
I began to see that my voice was just that - a voice.
One voice in a crowd but heck it was MY voice and it needed to be heard.
It takes many to make a sound, and only one - to make noise.
This set me free.
Turns out everyone is an idiot at some point - the real idiots are the ones who never tried to use their voice. I used to be that idiot.
I always harbored the worry that everyone will eventually think I don't measure up.
In a new workplace, this translated into my being hesitant to ask questions.
To my child, I was afraid of showing him I did not know.
In family, I refrained from saying what I really thought - what if I sounded off target?
It came to a head when I recognized I was not asking or being heard: far from communication - I was heading deeper into myself.
It was a bit like talking to mirrors. It helps but doesnt help you find the road.
So I began to speak up. Began to say what I did do or did not. What I did know and did not.
It turns out - people expected me to have these questions.
More often than not - people expected me to know less, not more.
More often than not - someone benefited from my saying what I did.
Soon, I actually began to find a 'voice'. A pattern of opinion-formation. A manner of stating a fact but acknowledging it did not address the whole situation.
I began to see that my voice was just that - a voice.
One voice in a crowd but heck it was MY voice and it needed to be heard.
It takes many to make a sound, and only one - to make noise.
This set me free.
Turns out everyone is an idiot at some point - the real idiots are the ones who never tried to use their voice. I used to be that idiot.
No comments:
Post a Comment