The Abyss

The Abyss

Step by step into the dark I went

Not knowing where the next step would come from. 

I breathed in the clean air

And felt the toxicity leave me 

Each gut wrenching breath

Bringing with it searing pain and reminding me

That I am embattled.. 

That I have lost.. 

Heed me! Cried the deep and the dark

You shalt not place a single foot further

You are meant to feed on the darkness

And the light that you seek does not exist! 

The wind seemed to stop blowing. 

All the voices of the allies around me.. 

Exhorting me to keep faith.. 

Seemed distant and far. 

My brothers and sisters rallied round me

Willing me to heed their voices and not the darkness

My parents desperately grappling at my fingers.. 

As I willingly stepped toward the abyss.. 

Atleast in that abyss, there was no more pain.. 

Insanity or death… both seemed appealing than

Tolerate that pain and that loss.

The abyss called out to me.. 

Sweet eternal rest was the promise

The chance to start afresh. 

Forget the past and the mistakes 

and horrors.

I fingered the edge of the knife

And felt a faint tug

at my side

Startling black eyes! 

And the high voice of a child called out to me: 

‘But Mommy! I want my mommy!!!’ 

And in a shock the clouds vanished

And the damp fell away

My fingers touched my mothers’

And my brother’s voice filled me in

‘Raje, you will make it!!’ 

‘You’ve already walked the hardest part’ said Meena. 

I struggled to those black eyes 

That softened when they saw me. 

A smile curved those lips

And a comforting weight climbed into my lap. 

We sat there..

Next to the abyss. 

Me and my family. 

Suddenly shone in a light bright. 

The old wounds being brought to light

The old demons being chased away. 

I sat there breathless and broken. 

Knowing little and seeing little

Except aware of that comforting burden on the lap. 

The smell of his hair and the touch of his hand. 

And that word in his voice ‘Mommy.’